Pastries
by theVoiceInsideYourHead
Summary: HIATUS. CRACK: Fuji takes up baking. The regulars now have a perpetually hunched back from bending over the toilet too much. Fuji smirks.
1. Victim 01: Fuji Yuuta

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis. If I did the characters would all be doing very naughty things to each other in EACH episode. But it doesn't happen, now does it? I live with it.**_

_A/N – August 18, 2007: Ah… welcome readers young and small… This is another one of my ficlets that I write in the middle of the night when I am EXTREMELY bored and have nothing to do. I was rather inspired by this picture of Fuji smiling and carrying a pie… and although that pie looked good, we all know how Fuji's taste buds are like… grins_

Chapter 1: _Victim 01: Fuji Yuuta_

Word Count: 865

Warnings: None for this chapter.

_**«Prince of Tennis«**_

Yuuta sticks his head into the kitchen and sees his brother watering one of the many cacti that line the kitchen's windowsills. He, carefully deducting that his brother will not try to glomp him, steps into the said kitchen and opens the refrigerator.

Yuuta coughed, "Aniki?"

Fuji turns to look at him, "What is it Yuuta? Are you getting a cough? Do you want me to run to the drugstore and get you some medicine?"

Yuuta sweatdropped.

"Ah…that won't be necessary, Aniki."

"Then what seems to be bothering you?" Fuji asked.

Yuuta checks the fridge again to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating and asks, "Where's all the milk? And where's all the food that was in here this morning?"

Yuuta throws open the fridge to make his point. The entire thing was empty save for a few sushi rolls and a tube of wasabi that Fuji usually has for a midnight snack. The tensai smiled and opened his eyes. He put down the watering can and stared at the timer set atop of an immaculately polished counter.

Yuuta eyed the shiny counter and swore he saw it blink at him, "_Onee-san really needs to reign in her obsessive compulsiveness about keeping this whole house clean…_"

The two Fuji brothers resume staring at the timer. It moved.

_Ding._

Yuuta looks at Fuji, "Were you cooking something, Aniki?"

Fuji kept smiling and opened the oven. Odd blue smoke rose up from the open oven and he took out something that faintly resembled a glowing green cake. The cake's top bubbled and popped.

Fuji's smile widened and Yuuta turned the same shade of green as the cake.

"I've taken up baking."

Yuuta closed the fridge door and tried to inconspicuously back into the living room. Sweat stared to form on his temples.

"B-baking? You've taken up…baking?"

Fuji set the monstrosity that was supposed to be cake on the table and began slicing it with a knife. The knife wouldn't cut through it so he chose a butcher's knife instead. Yuuta paled.

"Um...Aniki…I think I'll head off now. Mizuki called me a few minutes ago and said that there was practice…so…"

Fuji set one slice on a small plate and looked up.

"Don't be so worried, Yuuta-kun. Mizuki won't kill you if you're a few minutes late."

"But he'll make me run laps!" Yuuta protested weakly.

His knuckles were gripping the doorframe so tight that they turned white. Sweat dripped down his chin.

"I really have to go…"

Fuji narrowed his ice-blue eyes dangerously as he asked, "Fine, Yuuta-kun. You can go to practice today. I'll be giving Mizuki a visit tomorrow and talk about him overworking you."

Yuuta saw the sadistic glint in his brother's eyes and dropped his head in defeat.

"_Stupid Mizuki… he better be grateful for what I'm about to do for him._"

"It's okay, Aniki. I'll stay."

"Great!" Fuji said smiling.

He pushed the plate towards Yuuta and watched him closely, "Here."

Yuuta picked up his fork with a shaking hand and poked the green slice experimentally.

"What flavor is this…cake anyway?"

Fuji just smiled at him and replied, "It's a surprise."

Yuuta stuck his fork into the cake and took out a portion. Yuuta stared at it and began placing it inside his mouth.

"_Oh God…please don't let me die! I'm too young to die!_"

He bit and swallowed. Yuuta blinked. He blinked again.

"Wow," Yuuta muttered, "This isn't half-bad."

He took another bite and another until the whole slice was finished.

He smiled a bit at his older brother and said, "Thanks. I'll head off to practice now."

"Okay, Yuuta-kun."

Yumiko, who had been entering the kitchen at the same time Yuuta finished his cake, opened the fridge and closed it again in confusion.

Yuuta grabbed his duffel bag and started for the door, "Bye, Aniki and Onee-san."

"Bye, Yuuta." Yumiko greeted quietly.

She turned to Fuji.

"Syuusuke? Where in the world is everything in here? Did you eat everything?"

Yuuta pointed to the cake, "He made a cake out of everything."

Yumiko placed her hands on her hips and stared at Fuji accusingly, "_Everything_, Syuusuke?"

"Hai."

"Oh dear. I was supposed to throw away most of the food in here because they were rotten and starting to rot. We were supposed to grocery shop today. Did anyone eat the cake?"

Yuuta's face turned violently green and he ran for the nearest bathroom to get violently sick.

"Yuuta did." Fuji replied smiling.

Yumiko sighed.

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

_Ring. Ring._

Mizuki twirled a clump of hair around his finger as he went to answer the phone.

"Moshi, moshi. St. Rudolph's Tennis Club. Captain Mizuki speaking."

"_**Ah…Mizuki-kun. This Fuji Syuusuke, Yuuta's brother**_"

Mizuki felt the familiar rage burn within him.

"_Fuji Syuusuke, my greatest rival! What could he possible want from me?_"

"I meant to call you, Fuji, since you're brother missed practice today. Do you know where he might be. Is he alright?"

"_**Don't worry, Mizuki. Yuuta's fine. He just felt a little sick and had to go to the doctor.**_**"**

Sounds of someone throwing up could be heard.

Mizuki flinched, "I see. Well, thank you for calling."

"_**Ja.**_"

Mizuki put down the receiver.

"_Doctor_?"

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

_PS: Nothing to say here really… just review and make me happy? Please?_

_With regards,_

_Ms. Samantha Matsuyama_

_Sadist Extraordinaire_


	2. Victim 02: Kikumaru Eiji

_A/N – September 1, 2007: Well, I'm back with the next chapter! I had my exams so it took a bit long to write this chapter up. Besides, I was so annoyed with my ex-friend from ripping off the plot of my KKM fic. Could you believe that she even copies the way I sign stuff? You know the "Samantha Matsuyama, Sadist Extraordinaire" thing? She's such a bitch. I hate her. sigh Don't mind me._

Chapter 2: _Victim 02: Kikumaru Eiji_

Word Count: 875

Warnings: Very, VERY slight mention of shounen-ai/yaoi. (Golden Pair)

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

It was a clear Friday afternoon and the sun was shining brightly. Birds were chirping in the air and squirrels were playing in the tall oak trees that lined Seishun Gakuen's grounds. Somewhere to the west of the main building, a flock of birds flew off from the tree facing the Home Ec room. A few squirrels scrambled back to the trunks only to pass out when blue acrid smoke seeped out of the window.

The substitute teacher, Nishikado-sensei, lowered her glasses and stared at Fuji.

"Fuji-kun?" she asked nervously, "Are you done with your project?"

Fuji closed the oven quickly and set the tray of muffins on the counter. Nishikado-sensei grimaced when she managed to catch a glance of the oven's inside. There were purple bubbles on the rack and on the sides of the oven. She could see that the metal was starting to sizzle.

Fuji took off his oven mitts and proceeded to place the purple and blue muffins in muffin cups. He held one up.

"Would you like to taste them now, sensei?"

Nishikado-sensei coughed loudly and wiped the sweat on her brow.

"No thank you, Fuji-kun. You may go look for your cooking partner now and have him taste one of your muffins."

She held out a piece of paper.

"After eating, tell him to grade it accordingly and bring the sheet back to me."

Her hand was trembling.

Fuji took the sheet and ignored his teacher's shaking.

"Nishikado-sensei?"

She sweat profusely.

"What is it, Fuji-kun?" "_Please don't ask me to taste them! I don't want to end up like Kato-san! She passed out after eating that cake you brought to school last week!_"

Fuji folded the paper and slipped it inside his bag.

"Can you assign me a new partner for today? I'm afraid Oguri-kun has been absent since last Tuesday."

Nishikado-sensei nodded shakily and flipped open her class record.

"Your new partner is…Kikumaru Eiji-kun."

Fuji placed the muffins inside a basket and bowed.

"Thank you, sensei."

Fuji picked up all his things and walked of the room. Nishikado-sensei ran to the open window let out a breath. The blue smoke had started to fill her lungs and suffocate her a little bit.

"_What the heck did he put in those muffins? I hope Kikumaru-kun ends up alright…_"

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

"That's enough for today."

Tezuka's voice echoed through out the tennis courts demanding respect and discipline.

"Hai." A chorus of voices replied in return.

"Buchou?"

Tezuka turned around and saw the acrobatic player with his racket behind his neck.

"What it is, Eiji?"

Eiji sighed.

"Ano…have you seen Fujiko-chan? He was absent from practice."

Tezuka adjusted his glasses and replied, "Fuji told me that he had a meeting with Nishikado-sensei after classes to finish his Home Ec project."

Eiji's countenance brightened considerably.

"Arigatou, Tezuka!"

Eiji grinned and ran into the club room.

"_I wonder what Fuji made for his project…_"

Oishi turned around briefly and said, "Oh Eiji, Fuji was just here a minute ago. He told me to tell you to meet him by the fountain."

"Yay! I can taste whatever Fujiko made for Home Ec!"

Oishi continued buttoning up his uniform.

"Ne Eiji, Aren't you a bit scared about what Fuji made?"

Eiji hurriedly put on his uniform and turned to his partner.

"Scared? Why would I be scared?"

Oishi sighed tiredly.

"Because Fuji has the same taste buds as Inui."

Eiji frowned a bit but grinned quickly.

"Don't worry, Oishi. I'll meet you at your house later, okay? You're parents are out. We can watch movies the whole evening!"

Oishi blushed, "Alright."

"Ja, Oishi!"

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

Fuji grinned inwardly as he saw Eiji running towards him. His energetic friend was sporting a kilowatt smile.

"Fujiko-chan!"

Fuji was sitting on the edge of the fountain, the basket of muffins sitting beside him.

"Hello, Eiji. What took you so long?"

Eiji pouted and replied, "Mou…Buchou made me do extra laps because I kept on annoying Kaidoh and Momo-chan to play doubles with me and Oishi! He's so hard on me!"

"That's Tezuka for you." Fuji replied, smiling.

Eiji sat down on the ground in front of the tensai and eagerly asked, "So what did you cook for me? Nishikado-sensei said that I would be your temporary partner until Ogu-chan comes back."

Fuji reached inside the basket and pulled out a lethal looking blue muffin.

"Oooh! It looks pretty! What's the flavor?"

"Taste it and figure out."

Eiji grinned happily and bit the entire half of the muffin away. Fuji opened his eyes.

"_See…Oishi was worried for nothing! He was probab—"_

Eiji dropped the other half of the muffin and fell to the ground unconscious. Fuji smiled.

He signed Eiji's name on the report and murmured, "Yare yare…"

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

Oishi looked out the window and saw a blur of sirens rush by.

He sighed. It was already 6:08 Pm. Eiji was supposed to be here an hour ago.

"I wonder what happened to Eiji…"

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

Nishikado-sensei shuddered as she saw the variety of ingredients Fuji used for his muffins. She picked up an odd looking plastic sports bottle and opened it. She gagged at the horrible smell. The liquid inside was a vibrant blue.

She peered at the name on the bottle.

_Inui Sadaharu._

_**«Prince of Tennis»**_

_PS: I apologize for my Mizuki-is-the-captain slip-up in the previous chapter! I've already fixed it. Thanks to for reminding me! Review lotts._

_With regards,_

_Ms. Samantha Matsuyama_

_Sadist Extraodinaire_


End file.
